have you seen lina tonight?

the wonderful may asked me how it is to write a book..if a part of me stays always inside the book..inside the world i m creating for my books plot / storyline..and the answer is yes..yes ...after i gave up hiding from writing its like steping through a door and be somewhere else...no matter what i do now its there..no matter if i do the wash..or go shopping...meet up for drinks ...this wolrd is always ther ein my mind...their voices in the back of my head..especially the voice of my muse number one..she whispers the book title or the titles of the stories in my ear like a mantra...she tells me about all the things she did while she was away...she tells me what she has done..what she has seen...so when i m conecte dto a book its like sleepwalking inside my head..and it even pours into my real life..i do the things that my charakters do..i cook the food they would eat...i watch movies and art they would like to see..i watch at pictures of the cities they are from...i trace my fingers over things they wanna own..flirt with people they would flirt with..wear things they would wear...go to the places they would go to...doe sthat sound insane? maybe..but..a lot writers are insane in a certain way...an di always keep my eyes open to see my muse....i wonder is she in the bathroom or is she smoking a cigarette outside?...i wanan buy a drink for her and wonder if she wants a piece of lime...

late night eyecandy.....

ha..i m late again..like always...but this time i have a
good excuse..well..as good as every other excuse for beeing late i guess...
i ve been busy all day with getting over my book fear...or better say...pre-book-fear..that the kind of fear you feel before you..well I..start to write a book..the idea of beeing unable to write it or to finish it or the fear of having a writers bloc right in that time...well..that tortured me a bit during the last two months because there is a book i have to..i almost said finished!! which would be totally good..if there is something to finish..its actually that i have to write it and get it in until december..hhahahahah....december!!! but somehow it just happened today that i got over it and suddently i think about the stories..i think about plots...old characters and new ones as well...i found a beautiful totle for the book and also started to write the first story in my head...

the whole book will be...erotica of course...but with a dark twist...like small written film noirs and dedicted to a rather female then male audience/readership...you know..that kind of stories with a lot of passion...but also an air of danger arround it...it bit exotic as well...it will be great...my muse kissed me tonight and i hear my favorites charakter coming back...she ll be arround..in my mind..she leave lipstick marks on cup...shoes on the floor...she plays her songs inside me so i can meet here again somewhere in the dark...

so...and since noir and vintage go along so well i ll give you a vintage eye candy again...its so simple yet so pretty..i just love it...its both seductive but also..innocent in a way..or is it just me who sees that?

Purple is the color of compassion today...

Christina Aguilera - Beautiful (Official Music Video). Watch more top selected videos about: Christina Aguilera

for this post i pick up a subject that has been in the media a lot lately...teenager suicides...gay teenager that is in this case...i guess its hard to be a gay teenager..i guess its hard to be a teenager anyway...its such a sensitive and vulnerable time...and getting bullied by your fellow students dosent make it easier...


now after several teenagers killed themselfes because they were bullied for their sexuality there is a lot going on...for a much better written explanation pleaso go and visit the all time amazing janine ashbless at : http://janineashbless.blogspot.com

they do say it gets better...and the truth is..no matter what it is that you carry arround..if its your own sexuality like in this case...if it is fear, low selfesteem, eating disorders, drugs or any other things that make you feel like you cant go on...it all gets better...you just really have to sit through it..which of course is hard..but possible...sit trough it..grow stronger...dont let them bring you down today..because it will be better ..maybe not tomorrow..but soon


here are some helpfull links for gay or lesbian teenager in the states:
http://www.homelessyouthservices.org/sylviasplace.html
http://www.hmi.org/Page.aspx?pid=214

women are pigs

did you ever asked yourself how it feels like for a boy???? its hard..i swear it really is...all the women who just use you..the girls with their one track mind...those female players for whom you are just a nice piece of meat...

hahhaa...what a perfect world that would be...from the equal rights point of view...:-)

this video really made my day..which is awsome since a video send by jo made my night..two outstanding ( i try to avoid the word awsome since yesterday..as well as stop writing awesome) within not even 24 hours...i hadnt have that in agessss...

... a life behind vails.... latenight eyecandy...

again i hope its not too late for some monday eye candy...today i have chosen a pic of kate blanchet dressed up as a sexslave/odaliske ..since i m working on an essay about harems in which i also review a book about a modern harem..seen through the eyes of a rock n roll scheherazade i thought that picture of kate in her silky harems pants and all the jewellery is just perfect...especially because its done by one of my all time fav. photoartists annie leibovitz...so..are you with me? did you every wanted to live a dream in a harem...a adventure in onethousandandone night?...did u ever spend a night in the desert and heard the sand swim like a million small butterflywings ?....i once was discribed as a male scheherazade by a former lover i had...why? no..i dont bellydance..:-) but i like to tell stories...i tell stories for a living while scherazade told them to stay alive..and maybe i do that too...about adventures...faraway places...exiting events...interesting people...so if you let me one day we will sit somewhere...drink some wine..look into the fire..and i will tell you a story too...

meat...

meat is making me sad lately..i lived mainly vegetarian for the last few month..because i thought a lot about how bad meat and milk is actually for the human body...i dont wanna go into a rant about this subject now...i lived for a few years as a veggy when i was a teenager..but that had other reasons..so this time i wanted to stop because i think meat and milk might be bad for me..i m not a huge meateater anyway...mainly i eat chicken and fish...i try to avoid red meat and dont eat pork at all...but..and there is a HUGE BUT....the fact that i stopped again to eat meat has made me sad when i started to think about the fact that there are so many dishes and recipes i will never cook again..dont get me wrong..i dont think that i will miss eating but cooking them..recipes i learned to cook from my aunt , my grandmother and other people..people who are dead now but who are with me when i cook these things...avoiding meat also has an influence on my social/family life since there a certain celebrations each year held at my home..where i cook traditional dishes...which i do since years...and my family expects me to cook them..of course i could cook them but not eat them..but that would destroy the moment with my family too...so..what am i going to do?...its not easy..especially not with thanksgiving coming soon...where everyone expects me to cook a huge turkey filled with apricots and minced meat and sage....

dont have a pic of my turkey but pics of a rabbit/rabbit legs i recently cooked for a dinnerparty...i dont have a pic of the end result but i made a sauce with cream, wine and ajvar...which was really really good...

eyecandy tuesday....

i m late for monday but who dont likes it hot on tuesday as well...?
i surely do...and the other day (the actual monday) i went with minisantiago1 to the siebengebirge ...a mountain area about two hours away from where i live...we went up on the mountaintop (of a mountain called dragonrock) by a kind of train...and down by feet to visit the dragon castle and to stop in several small tavernas along the way to eat flammkuchen and drink federweißer (a special wine you get only in this time of the year)..and went we strolled further down in the direction of the town i spottet some kind of old uhm "automat" along the way..working like a mini-cinema(which promosed me to have a glimpse at "paris-the paradise of beautiful women)...you put a coin in and looked through two holes just to see enlighted pictures of parisian women..the whole thing was very vintage and so i didnt fear any hard work or money loose just to take picture through those two tiny holes to present you my dear readers some parisian vintage eyecandy...