sign your name across my heart / the word made flesh

so..i think i allready wrote about this one before but i have to do it again.."this one" in this case is a book ..a book about literary tattoos...and i m very honored that there is a photo of one of my tattoos included in it as well as a mini piece of me written about the meaning behind my tattoo ...

but lets see what the publishers eva and justin say about this pretty baby:

The Word Made Flesh: Literary Tattoos from Bookworms Worldwide is a guide to the emerging subculture of literary tattoos—a collection of 100 full-color photographs of human epidermis indelibly adorned with illustrations and quotations from Pynchon to Dickinson to Shakespeare to Plath. Beloved lines of verse, literary portraits, and illustrations—and statements from the bearers on their tattoos’ history and the personal significance of the chosen literary work—The Word Made Flesh is part photo collection, part literary anthology written on skin.

In its pages you’ll find favorite lines from novels, illustrations, portraits, and passages of verse; you’ll also find all kinds of testimony about the inspirations behind the tattoos: favorite books of childhood; commemorations of triumphant (or tragic) moments in lives; affirmations of friendship; drunken whims that might have (but didn’t!) become cause for regret; a phrase or an image that just seemed too cool not to keep close forever.
so..why i write about it again has several reasons..first that i m so happy happy happy that i m included in this wonderful project..second that it will come out soon and third..i got the cover !!! isnt it pretty? i totally love it:-)

i mean..i really cant stop looking at it and can not wait to get the book in my fingers..:-)

hello from the word mine...

i know i ve been a bad blogger..again..sigh*

but i m so deep under a duvet of work..its insane..in an hour mini2 arrives...and on sunday leave to spend some time on a ..well..raft...yes u heard right and i ms till not done with my work..:-( there is so much i want to write about....so much things on my mind...aside all the work that isnt very usefull...especially a special person i miss a lot...thats why a song for you...which fits our situation so well...and which i love so much...


i so wish you could hang with me...as the friends we decided to be ...and to give us the friendship..the support we need...doesent taht song fit so well on us?

Will you tell me once again
how we're gonna be just friends
If you're for real and not pretend
then I guess you can hang with me

When my patience's wearing thin
When I'm ready to give in
Will you pick me up again?
Then I guess you can hang with me

And if you do me right
I'm gonna do right by you
And if you keep it tight
I'm gonna confide in you
I know what's on your mind
there will be time for that too
if you hang with me
hang with me

Just don't fall
recklessly, headlessly in love with me
Cause its gonna be
All heartbreak
blissfully painful and insanity
if we agree

Oh you can hang with me

When you see me drift astray
outta touch and outta place
will you tell me to my face?
then I guess you can hang with me

And if you do me right
I'm gonna do right by you
And if you keep it tight
I'm gonna confide in you
I know what's on your mind
there will be time for that too
if you hang with me
hang with me

Just don't fall
recklessly, headlessly in love with me
Cause its gonna be
All heartbreak
blissfully painful and insanity
if we agree you can hang with me

Just don't fall
recklessly, headlessly in love with me
Cause its gonna be
All heartbreak
blissfully painful and insanity
if we agree

Oh you can hang with me
Hang with me


so my lovely ones...you will not hear much from me during the next weeks because i m away with minis...first the raft..then the beach..then paris..but inbetween i ll come home now and then for a day or two to feed you pictures and words and love from my hands...i m a bit snetimental today..maybe its just the whole work,...and the fact that mini2 comes home today who i havent seen in such a long time..and to know that i have theminis now for a few weeks again together..tht i ll read good night stories to them..that we will cook together...have a great time...go swimming..go to paris...lay on the beach too...that i ll look for them when they sleep...that i ll hav ethem close to my heart again...its a bit..you know...i m just a old sentimental person...and the knowledge of the change...the evolution in me...the travel..the search...if this life is a highway..then my soul is just a car..so maybe i ll just keep on driving...or rather walking like the divine may moon told us to..to walk for our life to become sane, and whole again..to heal and be happy..i think of you all....

just a quick hello...

hey y´all (as ms moon says:-)..how are you doing? i m all under the pile of my work again..its like running in a hamster wheel..dunno if that makes sens eto you but thats how it feels like somehow:-)
i m busy finishing two stories...another article and also prepare the questions for two interviews which i ll do pretty soon...each one with a special person/lady and i m sure u´d be exited to read them....so..i keep the good stuff rolling in:-)

asid ethat i enjoy the sun on my balkony...i really do..i love the heat...just suffer under the persons* arround me who suffer under the heat and dont stop to tell me they do...i mean..whats wrong with you guys??? in winter you hate the cold..and want sun..in summer you hate the ehat and want it cool?????

i m also writing on a critical post for this blog..involviong a crytical view on certain society related things...i hope to finish it today..its not very long..its just the problem that i dont have enough time...damn...anyway...u ll hear me later...:-)

* you should go and ask ms moon how it is to liove somehwere where its really hot AND humid...not just the bit warmth we have here in germany

let´s do it like whores...

cooking like whores..that is! pasta to be exact...

and where do the whores cook the best pasta? yes..italy of course..where else? first i wanted to write a little erotic intro about a prostitute in sicily..about the narrow and pictureske street she lives in..the bordello with its old and crooked stairways...the room with the narrow bed and the small window which leads out the backyard..red flowers on her window bench and a thin dog who lives in a shet behind the house...

BUT..i dont have time for that intro today so i just go straight to one of my fav pasta dishes pasta alla puttaneska...my grandma teached me how to cook this..she went with her sisters to italy each summer when they where still young girls..back then when it was very chic to go to italy for summer..to rome, capri and the costiera amalfitana....since my grandma and her sisters where total ladies they were shocked when the yfound out the meaning of " alla puttanesca" but still they were already under the spell of this spicey and simple dish..and so they would sit in the restaurants and just write it down intead of saying it..not looking at the waiter..blushing and bursting into laughter as soon as the waiter would leave their table...

if you ask one how this dish got its name u will get many answers...some will tell you its because the italian whores invented it because its quickly done so they were able to cook it between two clients....others will tell you its because the prostitutes werent allowed to go shopping before night and when all " good women" already had been shopping their groceries...so they ha dto buy what was left..but thats not true...to go back to the real deal about the pasta alla puttanesca we have to go back in time to sicily..actually its a typical dish of the so called cucina povera..the "poor kitchen or kitchen of the poor?"...back then..in 1950 the bordellos and whorehouses used to be property of the state/country...they were called " case chiuse" which means "locked/closed house" because the doors had to be closed all the time to prevent the neighbours from beeing hurt or terrified by the sinfull life of the whores..the normal italian housewife goes to teh market everyday to buy all the things she needs to feed her bambinies fresh and nice..but the "state employes" couldnt do that..their time was so limited that they were allowed only once a week to leave the house and go shopping..so they had to be inventive and see what to cook with goods and foods which lost longer..and so this dish was created based on things which are in stock in every italian kitchen...

so..lets check our ability to behave like a whore..in the kitchen!!

we need:

pasta..usually they use spagetthie for this but i prefer i penne rigatte for this sinc ethe sauce gets attached better to them
then you need capers..a jar full ..the salty ones..not the thingies in vinegar..those have actually nothing to do with the real stuff
2 red onions, chopped
anchovis as much as you like
cherrytomatos
oregano, dried or fresh
olives as much as you want
sugar, a tea spoonfull
oliveoil
2 garlic cloves sliced into small..slices!
a red chilli pepper , two if you like it like i do

now you heat up the oil in a non-sticking pan..dont make it too hot..i know this dish known for beeing done quick..but i cook it like a sugo and let it cook very slow..
chopp the onions, garlic and the chilli and put them into the warm oil..heat up a bit..
boil for about 6 minutes until the onions get that glassy consistens..now add the chopped anchovis..stirr it all with a wooden cook spoon...
now cut the toamtos in halfs and add them into the pan..then follow oregano, olives and capers...stirr it well...

boil meanwhile the pasta in hot saltwater

add some more salt and black pepper into the pan..

thats all u usually do for this..but since i alwas like to add my own twist i add some redwine vinegar and sugar into the pan..cook some more...make it cook low until the sugo starts to be a bit thicker and get a creamy and soft constitens...

now put the pasta into a bowl..but the sauce all over it..stirr it with two spoons and pour some parmigano over it..add some basil ...perfect...:-)

guten appetit!

pretty cover

i just got an copy of the cover of the next issue of p.o.-magazin which features my essay/ sex education piece about female ejaculation...it has the rather racy title "when women squirt" but its really educational about the history of female ejaculation, features also a bit about my own expiriences in that field ( on females not on me of course) and has also a very ..err*..interesting 5 steps test about how to finde out if you ejaculated or peed..dont laugh because thats most womens fear..to not ejaculate but to pee..and..honestly..the history of female ejaculation is full of weirdness and frustration..i dont wanna go into the details but..much frustration this subject contains for a lot women...so its still a while until the magazin hits the news agents and its german language anyway...but here is the cover
..oh and thanx to new conections in teh publishing world p.o.-magazine is now also available in switzerland and austria...happy news :-)

..I'm gonna soak up the sun .....

ah..sorry i didnt postet earlier again but i was away all day long to the beach in the netherlands...but before we go any further here is my fav song for the moment which i played on the 3 hour drive to the beach again and again

so..thats rox which totally reminds me of my golden teen-times when i was a huge fan auf lauryn hill and would play her album "the misseducation of lauryn hill" all the time..

anyway...good music...so i decided spontaneous to go with mini, my cousin dirk and also minis best schoolfriend r. to the beach on sunday...i love the little city were we go to often on the weekends in summer..its about three hours from here an you have to drive from the netherlands through belgium into the netherlands again...the beach is huge and never too crowded..even on hot days you never get that "bah..people like oil sardines-feeling"....
it was minis first time on the beach because before we only went there with mini2 and he had a blast especially because i allowed him to bring his friend along...he said he had been to the beach before (6 times) but i dont believe him after i saw his reactions on the water and the sand and the fact taht water was salty..so it seems they both had a first time and it was such a great day with playing, swimming and laying in the sun eating cool grapes, melons, rucculasandwhiches and reading (dead rain by i dont know who and dark enchantment, again, by our beloved janine ashbless) while kids were running in and out of the water , spreading water everywere, burrieng their toes in the sand and feeding the seabirds with grapes and bread crumbs...actually i wrote about that place before but can not find that post right now...

sunset at the beach
the old beachhotel which i love so much since years and years

i hadnt been to the oecean for a while and so i totally had forgotten how it feels like to float there...arms spread face upwards the sky in the salty water...my eyes closed and my skin warmed by the sun ...the world fades out..i m the only living person on this planet...my mind clears..opens up...my lips a bit numb by the waters saltyness...i mean..is there anything better to get reliefed from everyday stress? to let go...i never can bring myself to shower off the salt directly there on the beach..no..i just get back in my clothes and let it dry on me...i like the ride home..sun still burning from the sky, kids sleeping in the back...shery crow on the radio...that was a good day...
the way to the beach...
mini and his friend on the beach..

then we dropped r. his mommas house and had a little lunch which includes these huge meat tomatos? garden tomatos? which i lately harvest directly from teh garden and who have the size of baby heads (sorry jo) and who were in this case filled with mince, mozarella and herbs/spices..i mean..look at these beauties..believe me that was a good day with a good ending... so..that was me..i hope your sunday was similar good...

do what you want but dont call me a dilf...

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under the surface...

last night i met up with renata (my longterm serbian partner in crime and female sidekick) and my friend noah for a couple of drinks and discussion my new column..so we ha ddrinks and talk and a good time in general..it became late..i left..in front of the bar i stood and realisized that all taxis had been gone...so i was about to wander down the street to the next taxi stand when i heard someone call my name..i turned arround and saw a dude walking towards me i know since a couple of years..lets call him serkan..well..no thats his real name so maybe we call him just him...he is a turkish imigrant..same age as me...lives in germany since 17 years...he has barely any hair, is very tall, and has small soft and plump hands like a child...its not as if we are friends..we had a coupe of drinks on parties..we met here and there by accident and always had more or less short conversations about religion and politics...we really arent friends..not from my side of the fence...but i thought i know him...he is a very simple guy..he works in a factory...he drives a babyblue bmw which he bought from my martial arts friend...the name and number of his dojo is still printed on the side....a friend once brought me to the guys home which he shares with his parents...a cultural shock to be honest...i dont wanna go to the details of dirty old sofas in teh kitchen...golden plastic wallpapers and sized up passportpictures in golden red frames...the piles of dirty old shoes in front of the door..the brandnew huge flatscreen and the hundreds of dvds...the fact that the friend told me that "him" tends to bring sexual partners home and have sex with them in his parents bed...all that and more really..well..not scared me but seemed to be so strange and foreign for me and all this together ended in the fact that i never had any interest in becoming friends with him...also the fact of his always same good mood..i mean not good mood in the sense but..he always smiles..no matter what..always have this blank smiling face...never complains..never has a critic thought..never displays any emotion deeper then a shoe box...

so i wasnt exactly pleased last night meeting him..it was late..i wanted home..and so i told him that i m off to search a taxi..which he hold me back from and offered me a ride since he had to drive my way...in thought for a second about it and then agreed..shortly after that we arrived in ym street and i was about to leave the car when heasked me why i dont like him...i sucked some air in ...great..that wasnt the kind of conversation i was up to...anyway..i told him that its not that i dont like him but the fact that we live in two extremly different worlds and the fact that we dont have any common interests or friends which keeps us from socialicing ...his face turned dark...the blank happyness disapeared from his face...he looke dbitterly at me and said that i m an idiot..that i dont know anything about him...his hands banged down on the steering wheel in a helpless gesture...making the miniarure koran shake which dangles from the mirror...and then he started to talk..told me about his childhood..how his parents never cared for him and how his grandparents raised him in teh turkish woods..teached him how to find edible thinks in the outsides..how he was the first one to go to school in his family since four generations..how he would run there by feet and after that wait tables in a little village nearby at the age of 10....how his parents moved to germany and his father appaered who was basicly a foreigner and took him away from hsi grandparents...how he hated germany..how he tried toi runaway...how his father would beat him up and he would runaway and hide in a park...how he dropped out of german school and start working in the factory...making confiture and chocolate bread spread which he couldnt afford to buy...bringing money home to his parents who dont work..who can not read and write...how he wouldnt finde friends...how the years passed by ...how his father beat him up with a belt in the age of 27 becaus ethe neighbours ha dtold him that he had brought me and my friend to his appartment...how the years had passed him buy..how he felt all isolated...how he would have driven to a city far away..ringed someones door...went into a foreigners appartment..teared down the window decoration and trie dto jump out of the window ...how the police came and took him away...he said no one knows about that....he sobbed..his fingers clawed in the steering wheel..without looking at me he throuw up the story of his life...layed it out in front of me..one by one..a collection of bitter days and years...i was 15 when i start to loose my hair he said...17 when the rest became greyish...by 17!..a tear rolled over hsi cheek...what do you think why that is? why i look so old when i m still so young? he asked me...its stress and sorrow that makes me old! and grey haired..i thought about my grandma who never had any stress and was white by 22...i thought about explaining him the biological reasons for greying hair but then thought that i know he thinks he can not get infected with hiv because he is a man and only women and gays get that stuff..so i thought he wouldnt believe in biology anyway...he keept on staring into the night while i looked up to my own windows where the dimmed light called me home....he told me that he had moved out for a while..lived with someone far away...was happy in that relationship..happy for the first time..but then his mother started to call him..she would cry everytime they spoke ..telling him how much she would miss him..need him...that he would hav eto come home....in the end he gave in..left his happy relationship and went back into the darkness of his parents apartment....

last night he told me all this..for the first time ever he took the veil of his played happyness away...its so sad´...but yet i know it will change nothing at all...not for him..not for me...its a horrible story...but its a foreigners story..someone i dont have any conection too..we will never be friends...i have nothing true i could give him...offering him solace or friendship would be an act of mercy and be wrong...

still..it makes me think about under how many happy faces a horrible story is hidden...