subkutan

i like to speak today about bad things..about painful things..about things we do to ourselfes...well..thats not true..i wanna speak about how i dived into my own destruktion...and how i went down the road of hurting myself.....just an hour ago i recieved an email from the editor of "feigenblatt magazin" (which is a wonderfull german magazine) and he told me that he accepts a piece i send him a while ago for their next issue..that piece is called "subkutan"...and even though they loved it from the start at "feigenblatt" it gave them a hard time because the piece is horrible long...and even though i hoped and hoped that they publish it..now that they accepted i m kinda afraid...why i am afraid? because its not a fictional piece..its an essay about what might have been the darkest 3 years in my life...i wrote about the last serious relationship i had...about the magic which where involved..about how this fairytale went bad...and about what happened with me after we didnt lived happily ever after...i wrote about a year where i couldnt have sex because i couldnt stand the skin of someone else..because i couldnt stand or bear to be close to someone who wasnt her...i wrote about how i went down to the bottom of every bottle..how i drank and drank and how i throuw up in the bathrooms of fancy restaurants just to go back to the table to drink some more...how i dived into the embrace of drugs and medication ...how i cried and cried...how i started to have sex again...how i went into the darkness of anonymous meanless sex...of bars and bedrooms..how i left hotels in the early morning...how i crucified myself on the thorns of selfhate..how i sometimes felt like shit an dstill went out again in the evening..how sex became the answer to all my prayers for salvation..how i searched for my lover..a lover i called miss X because i hated her real name and never spoke it out loud until the day we broke up...i wrote about this and much more...and soon everyone can read it...and now i m afraid...i m afraid what people will think of me...what my friends and family will think when they read that piece..i m afraid of facing my past everyday for 3 month on the shelves of the supermarkets and booksstores...
..so tell me about you..tell me about the dark places you have been...tell me about a bad habit you had and you survived...

yes ma´am ...i m back...

so..i know i know you wonder where i have been...if i had been lost after attending an orgy style thanks giving party...or if i had been kidnapped or if i just worked/wrote my ass off...i wish it where one of those (well i dont wish to be kidnapped) i simply where sick as hell..and as hell discribes it only slighty as horrible as it was...but now i m almost back here to join you all in blogland again..still in bed but finally able again to think and write and...be here with you...

and tons of hugs and kisses to the wonderfull people who send me emails and ecards wondering where i have been...especially to jo and ms moon who who send me love en masse to make me rise from the dead..you all are wonderfull°°° the rest who stay unnamed: you, of course , are wonderfull too and every little mail totally made me happy..:-)

women are heroes ...a hommage to womanhood

play before/while reading





for a rather long time i wanted to write something about an amazing project by frensh photographer / artist JR. the project is named "Women are heroes" and features gigantic portraits/photographs of a group of encredible courageous women whos husbands, sons, daughers or other beloved has been victims of (mainly police) violence

these pictures show jr´s work in rios favelas

i think this project is awsome...amazing as well as beautiful and nothing less but important because it shows once more a modern portait of the womanhood and the female role in society...or better say the struggle of the female role in society


for more information please visit: http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2008/08/scenes_from_rio_de_janeiro.html

its raining reviews...

i know i know i bore you already with my reviews but its so cool for me to get so much love from the states:-)

aside that my day was full of hanging out with mini-santiago..we went to the book sale in the public library where he snatched himself copies of modern biology, midnight stories , a cake for grandfather and one book called the snuggle rabbit...so we have something to read for the bed time..:-) then we went cloth shopping which was boring as hell for both of us..we arent big shoppers..maybe for books yes..but clothes are rather uninteresting...then we came home..kiddo had promised me oven potatos and chicken basil pasties but then he dropped down saying: duh..i had have such a busy day..lets make pizza instead..what he did..the pizza turned out as 3 big pizzas in the end..with all kind of stuff on it like hungarian salami, french cheese, ham, pinneapples, hot peppers, fresh champignons,half dried tomatos and i dont know what....along with a really good wine i recently discovered (for me not for the kiddo of course:-)...

so that was my day..and when i came home i had all your lovely coments and emails here to make my days even better..along the emails were a message of a lurker of thsi blog who told me there was another review for surferboys on amazon...which i like to share with you

By Amos Lassen (Little Rock, Arkansas) -

There is something about a surfer boy that creates fantasies in the minds of many gat men. I suppose it has something to do with the sun-kissed healthy look of the long, lean boys who spend their time on the waves. Of course the broad shoulders and the blonde hair may also have something to do with it but there is something irresistible about a surfer stud.
Neil Placky gives us an anthology of erotic stories about the sexual activities of those boys on the beaches whose bodies glisten with the surf and who glow from the sun. All of the nineteen stories are hot and the very cream of gay erotica contributed to this collection--the editor himself, Aaron Michaels, Gavin Atkins, Martin Delacroix, P.A. Brown, Christopher Pierce and others.
The boys surf everywhere--Japan, Hawaii, Cape Cod and they have romantic interludes that range from tender to raw sex. We see the beach as a place other than a sandy area but as a playground for men who love men. The book is good erotic fun and the stories are fast paced and erotic to the meaning of the word.
i think thats another really great review of the book and i m very happy about it for neil plakcy who is an awsome editor and really helped me to make my story "sleeping in the sand" what it is..:-) so thank you amos lassen for reading and reviewing our little pretty book:-)

just woke up to have my second time

..just woke up..not only to some really pretty coments about mini-santiago which naturally touch me and make me proud of the little otter but also to my second american review...this time not especially about my story but about an anthology i m featured in...

the storys name is traveller/deep in the jungle and is part of christopher pierce´s " SEXTIME: Erotic stories of time travelling"- Anthology..

i think time travelling is a wicked and wonderfull subject to write about and was totally on fire for the theme when i wrote that piece for christopher

so today i found out (through a very nice reader of this blog) that eric page over at gscene.com has written a review:

Just what I needed to pep up my bed side reading; a book of time travelling sci-fi gay erotic short stories, yes that’s right, sexy wank stories about time travelers. No ‘Dr Who’ parodies in this, and it’s actually a little more slick and sexy that it would seem from the title and themes.

It’s a collection of different time traveling men’s erotic and horny encounters thought history and some ultra gay alternative futures. We get a trip back in time to the roman slave market, ancient Greece and Aztec palaces, pirate ships and futuristic Washington DC, and where and whenever these temporal studs end up there’s a hell of lot of hot and pounding queer action.

It does exactly what is says on the tin and doesn’t try to be pretentious, so if you like your one handed reading to be quick, to the point, and with an occasional sense of humor then I’d give this book a go.

If you’ve got a sci-fi bent and like a trip down the ole time tunnel, then you’re going to go back for more.

Einstein would be a little surprised to discover that the only constant in these universes is compelling man on man sex and don’t expect much physics unless it’s the third law of motion (For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction). There’s over ten authors featured in this collection of fun erotica and it’s edited by the capable Christopher Pierce; who managed the very popular ‘Rouge’ series.

its a good review hm? thank you eric page for having our book reviewed:-)

this child is to good to me

since i was a bit..iritated today..to put it mildly..mini-santiago kept asking me all the time if i m allright..he suspekted that something was wrong since i didnt stop to ask about the teachers reaction on the letter and after he had to asure that she didnt said anything..and no dad she didnt read him directly..and no she didnt told me to tell you anything for about the 109264389244609 time the kiddo was more then sure i m sick or about to jump out of the window or both...

and since mini-desantiago is really a blessing he said: i ll cook you something good and you will feel better!

cooking is a really big thing in my family since we all are food lovers..and since i bought this childrens cook book for mini-santiago last vacations he loves cooking too..that book is really good and easy and mini (age 7) can actually cook the whole stuff almost alone..i just help him with the oven...

so he cooked for me wonderfull pasta with tomatos, basil, cheese and meat balls

and a dessert called tangerine tiramesu...

how could anyone not love a child like that?? ok..the meat balls we bought already done..and the pasta was slightly not that what i call al dente..but who cares..my 7 year old boy cooks for me..:-)

so here are some pics of the food...as well a mini-santiago asleep after cooking for me in his bed with his stuffed animals and his new lihgts over the head board..which i hate but he loves them ugly thingies...

WORLDS END!!!!!!!

OH MY GOD! the end is near seriously...something so horrible happened (or at leats i think it happened) that i m almost about to run up the walls

ok..so ..let me begin to explain myself...mini-santiago had to stay home the other day because of dentist stuff and a visit in his new school(new school is a subject i ll blog another day about because it kills me already) ..so today i had to write him a letter of apology for his teacher...but today everything was a bit chaotic today and so i wrote the letter, made breakfast, put mini-santiago under the shower all together..while i cutet the fruits for his cereals?granola?? i also searched for an envelope...blow-dryed the kiddos hair and then we finally hed breakfast..so far so good...good until i startet to work a bit and and searched the research-list and notes for my upcomming sex-column..and didnt found..what i found was the letter for kiddos teacher..AHHRG!!! i feel a bit like the poor girl in "drag me to hell" who mixed up the cursed button with the coin and then..never mind..just a movie..but this is real life...now i m down on my knees searching the floor and hope i find the list and...anyway..pray for me..please..:-/

my new column: Boys vers. girls or why the genders still live on seperated planets

just a few days ago the new alley cat issue came out and is now availeble in stores all over germany..even though i liked alley cat before this issue is especially great for me since it includes the first episode of my new column-series "männersache"...this column is also very special to me since i had wonderful fellow writers, artists and ikons such as donna george storey, susie bright, midori, kristina lloyd ect, who were so generous to let me quote them in my column..a big thank you for this..you really acompanied me awsomly:-)

and yes..thats a vibrator add next to my head/next page..its by the brand fun factory and i actually didnt payed attention to the add until i showed the column to my grandmother and she asked me what those multicolored thingies are...ventilator i said..without blushing

some more surfing...

you can finde the foreword of the surferboys-anthology over at authorsden.com ..which is also very very nice for me since my story is mentioned in the foreword..i know that might is silly of me but it really makes me happy..:-)

surferboys foreword by editor neil plakcy


On my first visit to California, many years ago, I spent an afternoon at Huntington Beach, watching a line of slim young guys in wetsuits dare the crashing waves. I must have taken a whole roll of film of those neoprene-clad surf masters.

Years later, when I set out to write my first mystery novel, Mahu, I wanted my hero to be a surfer. I was entranced by their mastery of the waves—and how innately sexy I thought they were.

Four novels later, I still think surfers are sexy—and obviously many of you do, too, because I received lots of great submissions for this anthology.

When you think about surfing, you probably think of Hawaii first—I know I do, because of my mystery series set there. But there are great waves all around the world, from Australia to the Jersey shore, Cocoa Beach to California. The stories here span the globe, but what they all have in common is handsome, sexy surfers who love other men.

From the romantic lyricism of Danielle de Santiago’s “Sleeping in the Sand” to the down and dirty sexiness of Bearmuffin’s “T-Room Surfers,” there’s something for every surf lover here. You’ll journey to Australia, Tunisia, Oregon, Cape Cod, and Malibu among many other delightful destinations.

Surf’s up dude—hope this book does the same for you!

my first time

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

60 strockes with the whip..and i dont mean the sexy ones

the face behind the story: rosana al-jami

the masked men grabbed her at her hands and ankles. You bitch will suffer one hissed through the black fabric of his mask. they dragged her out of the room. she tried to free herself..to escape..screamed and kicked but the men where stronger. outside the light and the heat of the day bit into her. a crowd were already waiting and lurked while the men pushed her down into the dust of the market place..

my dear fellow smut writers...
we all do it...we write about sex..about sex we had..about sex we would like to have and about the sex we just imagine...we do it no matter what..for the most of us it doesent matter if our work is published..read..if anybody knows what we do or not...
and we know that it is "forbidden" by our societys standarts,..because sex is something that happends behind closed doors and shouldnt be dragged into the light..still we write about what ever tickles our brain..but would you still do it if it was really forbidden by law? the few lines in the beginning of this post could be the beginning of a sm-story or could be a snipped from a horror-anthology..but its not..somewhere this will be rerality ...
Rosanna al-Jami ..a 22 year old journalist from saudi-arabi didnt even wrote about sex but helped to prepare a talkshow for the LBC chanel...a tv show in which a man spoke open about himself having sex with a female neighbour and also presendet some sex toys in front of the camera...
this tv show actually was a shock to the system..maybe not for our standarts but for the standarts of the islamic society...

so Rosanna al-Jami has been accused for preparing this show and also for promoting the show in the internet..her punishment will be 60!!! strokes with the whip...

the man who spoke open about his sexlife has lost his job at a government-runned airline..and has been judget/punished with 5 years in jail!!! and 1000!!! strokes with the whip...

i m just surprised that they didnt try to finde the neighbour he had sex with to punish her too..maybe by condmn her to hard labour...or shaving her head and splitting her nose and pinning her on a scarlett letter...

i thought for a while about writing about this subject...even though a many of my friends tried to keep me from putting this on my blog but i cant look away...all of you my fellow writers could be in the shoes and situation of Rosanna al-Jami .....what do you think..what would you do?

out of a sudden.../ does your mama know

just the other day we spoke about keeping our work organized and neat...which i totally cant...for example i cant keep a list of the submissions i send out like craig does it..i mean..i really tried it ...but after a while i forget to write my submission titles, the publisher and the date down...or i loose the paper i wrote it down on..loose in this case means throw it away or used the other side for a shopping list and..well..you get the point....

...so sometimes i totally forget that i have send out a story..or that i even wrote a particular story...just..gone with the wind...or i also forget that the story which i have forgotten about has been accepted by a publisher...

..so you totally can picture my puzzled face today when fedex delivered me a package from konkursbuch verlag (which is one of the leading and most arty and extremly cool erotica publishers in germany) ...i opened the package..and there were two copies of the yearbook of erotica 09/10..pretty pretty books...and i was like " awww..they got something wrong in the office because i didnt send them a story for this issue" (during the last 3 years i worked several times with konkursbuch) ...then i was sad because i knew i had to send the books back..then i thought "maybe there is a older story of mine inside..a reprint!!"..then i checked the writers bio..a b c ..d...hm..no danielle de santiago..okay..then i knew they got something wrong in the office...sad again..then i jumped up..checked the writers bios again... o p q r....s..there i was..under s like santiago...(usually the have me under d)...and inside they had my essay " beautiful shame"...horray..my book..:-)

but..back to my question today..does your mama know? your daddy? your lover? your friends? your neighbors? your children?...that you write erotica / smut / porn?

my essay "beautiful shame" is all about myself and my struggle to keep my family life and my smut writers life together...a lot people in germany read my work..but no one of my close friends or of my family...even though most of them know what i write about ...most of them dont want to read my work because they dont wanna cross a certain line between them and my naughty mind..but some of them..like for example my grandmother ..arent "allowed" to read my work.....as a example a dialogue between my granny and me:

grandmother: so..when do i finally get to read one of your books??

danielle: well..you...you..cant!

grandmother: i cant read?

danielle: no of course you can read but..

grandmother: so i can read your stuff?

danielle: no! i mean..you can read but you shouldnt read my stuff!

grandmother: i know you write dirty stuff..your sister jade told me

danielle: how nice. well..yes..they are to dirty for you to read

grandmother: do you think i live behind the moon????

crickets*

grandmother: dont think i m silly...i studied!!! i was one of the first women who were allowed to study..dont think i m stupid. i totally know what kind of dirty your stories are!

danielle: (surprised)..you..know?

grandmother: yes

danielle: ?????

grandmother: its those kind of dirty stories where the characters/narrators arent married to each other..right???

danielle: yes granny..thats what makes it so dirty..my narrators arent married...sigh*

so...tell me about how you keep smut writing and family under the same hat...

the hunters

horray! i just got the news that my breath-taking, thrilling, evilish and scary as well as hot and dark sm-story "the hunters" will appear in early 2010 in "schlagzeilen" by charon..i m so exited! i totally love every little bit by charon ..charon is a german publishing house focused on sm-related themes and schlagzeilen is germanys most important as well as most succesfull sm magazine...so its my third time to be included in one of charons books/magazines since i allready was in their forthcoming anthology "böse geschichten& schmutzige fotos" (evil stories& dirty pictures)with my story "cold, clear water" as well as once in schlagzeilen with my story "the stable"..still i cant get enough of them and hope for more charon-de santiago´ness in the future because charon is so fucking fab with all what they are doing ...

how do you..write?..and what are you doing after publishing your story?

today i have a question again for you my fellow writers..inspired by our fab alison tyler who spoke about deleting old stuff on her computer i thought about my old stuff..which still dangles along my old laptop..but thats not what i mean...when you write a story...do you take notes? most of us do...i do too..and when you finished the story..re-read it..edited it..send it out..what are you doing then..after it has been published??? i keep the notes..i keep all the edited versions..i keep the final version..i print them out..i burn them on cd...all that crap takes a lot of room to keep them in store? stock? whatever..dont mind my bad english i had my traditional martini-monday along with my fabolous serbian friend renata so i m still a bit drunk as i type this...so..still ..how do you write and how do you storage your work??? ususally you would say its enough to keep the actual book...but what if you wanna sell the story again or send it out again to publish it somewhere else? so..do you all keep notes, books, copies as well as a file or a cd of each story..or is it just silly me?