Thursday, October 29, 2009

do you play safe?

do you have safer sex?
just the other day our friend craig had this scary er* funny safer sex clip on his blog
which brought me back to the thought of safer you have safer sex? i dont...well i do in real life..always...i m part of the generation which is grown up with condoms..i m used to use those little lifesafers..but on page..on the page i never use you?..i dont know..there is no space in my stories for condoms...i know some of you write about condoms..for example nikki does..but what about you others?
a while ago i postet something about safer sex.. which seemed uninteresting for the reading crowd...but this time i really wanna safe do you write? and should we write about condoms to be good role models?
Erobintica made a really interesting point in her coment on this post: would readers actually read our stories if all of them were safe? I remember i saw a documentary about the porn industry a while ago and there was a lot talking about that porn which does feature safer sex dont sells as much as porn which features "bare" sex...would it be the same with erotica? keep on telling me your point of view..


Ms. Moon said...

Since I don't write about sex, there is very little need to discuss condoms in my writing. Well, on the blog, anyway.
I did mention a diaphragm today. But not in a specifically sexual way.
Seriously, I think it might be yes, a good role model idea to include condoms in sex writing. I mean- if it's part of the whole experience in real life, why can't it be incorporated into the writing? If it is left out, then there is an underlying message that condoms are not sexy and perhaps, not necessary.
But. I am no sex writer.
It will be interesting to come back and see what others have said.

Danielle said...

ms moon!!! hey its great to have you here:-)

i really dont know why i dont write about condoms..i mean for me they are the most normal thing...i use them always..i preach to all of my friends to use them..but in my stories..i dont know why...they dont have a space there yet..but maybe i should work on it to change that!

thank ypou for hoping over and leaving me such a thoughtfull coment

ps: i liked the way you used the diaphragm today;-)

Erobintica said...

Hi Danielle. I've been back here several times today, trying to think of an answer. And to have another peek at those images. Those are very striking (in more ways than one, hahaha). Long live photoshop!

I'm still new at this erotica writing gig, so I don't have much, but I have written about condoms in a story or two - but as part of the story - not just tacked on to make it "safe sex" approved. And in most of my stories, there's nary a condom in sight.

And the whole role model question - hmmm. I don't think people read these stories and then go "oh, I have to go out and re-enact that story just as it's written" because that's simply an impossibility. Real life is real life and stories are stories. We don't write about what happens 2 weeks after the story takes place (unless we're writing a novel) - though I have read some very good stories that do that (talk about what happens after the "scene" - okay, I'm thinking too hard for this time in the evening.

If all writing (not just erotica) was "safe" in that it never depicted anything even minutely dangerous, would anyone even bother reading? We'd have our characters stopping what they're doing to go floss or take out the recycling.

Craig Sorensen said...

Hi Danielle,

I'm glad I helped inspire this post! I absolutely love the images that accompany your it.

The short answer is, yes, sometimes my stories do feature safe sex practices. It's more of a decision about the story line than to be "proper" and have the characters practice safe sex in my stories.

Condoms can be very sexy, and they can make a statement about the characters / story line; I've used them in both ways.

In the end, it's not a high proportion of my stories that use them, but I do feel it is important to use them. They are part of our sexual culture.

But I'm I'm a storyteller first, and not so much a role model. ;-)

It's all about the story, mein freund!

Danielle said...

@ robin

thank you for commenting..and your coment brought up another question which is very interesting:

would erotica readers read "safe stories"? i remeber years ago that i saw a about the porn buisness and there was a lot speaking about that "safe" porn dont sells that be the same with stories? i should put that in the post too...

Danielle said...

@ craig

indeed..its all about the story..

i like your point of telling something about your using of condoms to make a point about the narrators???? character..thats interesting!

Jo said...

Damn, I typed a big response then lost my connection last night.

In short: gah, that spider picture is digusting, I'm scarred for life. I thought the scorpion was scary,then I scrolled down. Shudder.


Anyway, yes. I used to be quite fervent about safe sex in erotica, though I've stopped noticing, you've made me realise.

Not that I'm published more than once, but...

I think it is a sort of didactic duty, so I disagree with Erobintica, that we have inluence. I think writers have a normalising influence.

I like seeing condoms in porn, and they always seem a natural part of a story they feature in. I think it's the word that's off putting. Condom. Bleh. If they were called velvitos or something appealing like that it might be better :)

But I say yes to safe sex erotica.

Though I do remember reading a M/M story years ago when one character double bagged himself and then wrapped elastic bands round the base of his cock.

I felt that was going a wee bit far.

I"d come back to check how this post is developing but I'm too grossed out by the spider girl. Buhhuuh.

Ms. Moon said...

Danielle- I'm back! I remembered that in a book I wrote (never published...sigh), I did write about sex and I rewrote part of it to include condom use. So there! I do have something real to offer.
But- of course this was not erotica but merely life. Which includes sex. And condoms.

Danielle said...

@ jo

hey hey..:-)

yep the spider is scary eh?

the double bagging is realy a bit over the top..but yes..we might for real write more about safer sex so that the use of condoms becomes more and more normal in peoples minds

and horray for velvetos!!!

Danielle said...

@ ms moon

there you are again:-)

first : something that i wanted to write to jo as well but forgot but it also counts for you: published or not..doesent matter..also an unpublished writer is a writer:-)

i guess if i would write about life instead of erotica i d mor eoften write about condoms..because thats different...for my erotica no one ever is afraid of getting pregnant..but in a life-story sure someone would were are you little rubber duckies..:-)

Janine Ashbless said...

I don't find condoms sexy, but I think it depends on the context. Obviously in a historical/fantasy setting (which is a lot of what I write) they're not right. The assumption seems to be that paranormals (vampires, werewolves etc) don't need them. When it comes to modern human characters ... hmm. I mention them if I'm trying to make the point that the bloke is a decent guy who respects even his casual lovers. I do not use them if the bloke is supposed to be a git, or if the sex is conspicuously reckless in other ways.

Yes, everyone should use condoms with strangers, but the fact is that not everyone does. And as Erobintica pointed out, in writing short stories we leave the consequences of our characters' actions unseen. People make dumb decisions, especially in the heat of passion.

I consider a "In real life, make sure sex is safe, sane and consensual" note at the start of the book is the ideal compromise between artistic integrity and responsibility to our readers.

Danielle said...

@ janine

miss ashbless..great to have you here:-)

you are right what you wrote about setting and character...

its awsome..the more you guys coment the more it becomes clear how much the use of condoms in stories change the point of view on the characters and their specivic role!!

in real life of course everybody should use condoms!

Emerald said...

Hey Danielle. I have put explicit mention of condoms in virtually every story I have written in which intercourse takes place unless the couple is married. It simply seems important to me as well as realistic — I have consistently used condoms in my own sexual experience, so it makes sense to me to put it in the experiences I write about as well.

Further, I have been a reproductive rights activist for a number of years, and part of that for me has involved promoting safer sex.

I agree with what Ms. Moon said:
"If it is left out, then there is an underlying message that condoms are not sexy and perhaps, not necessary."

Incidentally, when I worked in porn, I also insisted upon condom use. Partly this was for my own protection, of course, but it was also partly due to that point by Ms. Moon above. I have/had no interest in contributing to or supporting the myth that condom use is not important or is not "sexy."

Some people disagree, of course, and I intend no disrespect to that or them whatsoever. :) That's just the perspective in me.

Thanks for asking this!

Jo said...

*Braving the Spider*

Condoms can be sexy. There's something about the feeling of stroking latex onto a hard cock... and all the promise that that sheathing holds...

Plus the way the on and off of it bookends the sex act.

We should be so grateful. Condoms were once illegal in Ireland. My mother in law told me she knew a woman back inthe day, who'd lived in England and brought back some condoms. And washed and reused them...

Danielle said...

@ emerald

thank you for comenting so delightful and informative!
i m glad you share your sex-positive point of view with us..:-)

and indeed..the use of condoms in eroticamakes the setting more realistic and also gives a good message out to the reader!

Danielle said...

@ jo* velvitos!!! can be sexy...i actually knew a girl once ( alternativ healer by day - stripper and pin up by night)who had teh habbit of putting on the condoms with her you really can be fun and sexy..:-)

washed and reused them heh? love that story...reminds me on a old law in the netherlands where people used to have paid taxes for having curtains in their windows..and there was also a beard-tax if i remember it right

thanx for coming again..:-)

Jo said...

Oh, well, I suppose I should be thanking you?