Monday, February 22, 2010

memory lane: the nazi


a while ago i decided to start a memoir based series of posts...about random memories and imagies in my head..this wont be whole stories..because they arent whole in my head...
the nazi
ages ago...i was about the age of 7 or 8 there was a old nazi living in the town where i lived. even though he was a nazi he was very into my grandmother and always tried to speak to her even though she never even looked at him. i dont know his name anymore but i still can smell the booze in his breath, see the grey beard stubbles on his floppy, chalk-like skin and the bloody red bows under his eyes
he lived out of the town in an area were only indoor tennis courts and factories were as well as a wreckingyard. he lived in the middle of all this in a small prefab/ready to move in houses. he had set up the concrete tombstones of his two brothers in his front yard on the yellowish lawn. one day, i dont rember anymore how it has happened, he brought me there. there was no heating but a dirty old oven who burned on high power in the kitchen to give a bit of warmth. he showed me his porn first. silly and cheap porn. 70ies stuff. and a book which seemed to be an erotic novel...the title was something like "venus blossoms" (interesting that i dont rember his name but the books title) and he asked me if i already "did it"...he told me about he met hitler during the war or after..and how that was the most important moment in his life...he showed me his altar...with some kind of nazi thing a cross or something...a copy of mein kampf...(something else was there but my fluish head dont rembers today) all neatly presented on a kind of wooden bench..a island of clinic order in this messy house with all the beer cans...with the yellow plastic curtains...everything smelling smoky from the permanently between his fingers tucked cigarette..an everylasting cigarette dying his claw like splintered fingernails in nicotine yellow too...thats all i remember..that and that he wnated me to drink some beer..he often went to the bathroom...i guess i spend the whole day there but then i went away...i rember how heavy my schoolbag was...the wreckyard dog barked at me when i walked on by he went along with me, barking on his side of the fence...when i came home my legs hurted like hell from the far way back to town...and my grandmother cursed me for not coming home after school...i never told anyone that i had been there in that house...tombstones in the frontyard and also inside nothing was alive anymore..

30 comments:

Jo said...

Perfect last line :)

Great pictures.

How did you end up there in the first place??

Danielle said...

@ jo
i dont know..i guess he spoke to me after school..i think he asked about my grandmother...i really dont rember it anymore..i also dont rember the way to his house...its gone..omly parts a re still in the spotlight of my memory...

Ms. Moon said...

That last line WAS perfect. He was evil. You know that, right?

Danielle said...

@ ms moon

of course i know...back then i was afraid of him in a way only a child can be afraid of the monster under the bed...but now..looking back...i feel pitty for this man who ,...who actually was nobody...he didnt left a print on teh surface of the world...

Petit fleur said...

Wow. You were a brave little boy! He sounds completely bone and chillingly horrid! And while I feel some pity, it mostly angers me, these human conundrums that twist and hurt and mangle and kill.

That was a marvelous last line. It speaks to what I imagine you felt walking that fence after your visit.
Great post D.
xo pf

Jo said...

I'm not sure we learn much about humanity by simply dismissing Nazis as some sort of abberant evil and leaving it at that.

People are a product of their environment, mass conditioning is possible.

Here is a passage from Alice Miller that discusses the effect Hitler had on those who met him. She explains how child rearing practices of the time opened the way for total obedience to an authoritarian patriarchal figure.

Marta L. said...

Old bastard, my friend of mine once told me similar story - they are everywhere !!

Again, thanks for sharing this kind of stories with us!
love X

Danielle said...

@ petit fleur

he really was...he wasnt there anymore i guess...now that i wrote about it...i think about taking the several hour drive back out there and see if the house and the tombstones are still there....

i hope you ll like my other memory lane posts too..

Danielle said...

@ jo

its such a difficult subject...it really really is...

Danielle said...

marta l!!! glad to have you back here:-) stay around..more stories are in the pipe:-)

Mwa said...

Chilling.

Geeks in Rome said...

WOW! powerful. I was so worried he was going to molest you... but he couldn't because, like you said, he was already dead.

Beautifully written. keep 'em coming!

Janine Ashbless said...

Wow - the Alice Miller thing was fascinating, Jo.

God, this is a deep subject Danielle.

Jo said...

EVeryone should read that book. She wrote in German first I think?

Danielle said...

@ mwa

yeah

Danielle said...

@ geeks

naw he didnt..lucky me! i m glad you like the post..there will be more

Danielle said...

@ janine

it so is...also a subject we have to push back into the light from time to time...

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Erobintica said...

Danielle - this gave me the icks, for many reasons, but it is wonderful that you're writing stuff like this. I am very glad he did nothing but leave you with a creepy memory.

Jo - I love Alice Miller - I've read several of her books - I'm not sure I've read that book (I'll have to go back and read this excerpt)- though I know she overlaps and I know I read about Hitler in one of hers. And I agree with your sentiment that dismissing something as "evil" does any good.

Jo said...

Well, I'm not denying the evil that worked there... but I'm not sure it's enough to leave it at that.

Anonymous said...

Hello readers
Do not miss your chance to get a free iPhone 4G. Visit http://bit.ly/d9QOON

May said...

I'm so glad you left unscathed... I agree with everyone else- the last line was just perfect. More please.

Ms. Moon said...

Danielle- Where are you, dear?

Erobintica said...

I was wondering the same thing.

Anonymous said...

Good post and this post helped me alot in my college assignement. Thank you for your information.

Anonymous said...

Genial dispatch and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Thanks you for your information.

Allegra Smith said...

I have been thinking about you and I sent you an email and I have not heard from you so I am going to pretend you are just too busy and that everything is alright. Miss our chats and I hope your silence means you are too busy being happy.

Anonymous said...

i seriously enjoy your own posting way, very helpful.
don't give up and also keep writing mainly because it just simply nicely to read it.
impatient to see alot more of your content pieces, regards ;)

Anonymous said...

Well your article helped me very much in my college assignment. Hats incorrect to you dispatch, intention look audacious for the duration of more related articles in a jiffy as its sole of my pet subject-matter to read.

david said...

hey mister you followed me to my blog justanotherdamnmovieok.blogspot.com be-
cause you like horror movies. You owe it to yourself to check out the new and improved blog featuring short but
horrifying stories.