i write and publish stories and books since i was about 9..well..i published my first story in a kids magazine when i was about ten but i startet writing very early..back then there wasnt any savety..no one was afraid that something would happen to kids whos names and adresses where exposed and so it was a totally normal thing that my story " fernella the unpleaseant unicorn " was printed in a certain childrens magazine with my name and my adress under it..i, of course, was ver yproud of that story (which was really really bad..i mean..its about a unicorn with bad mood ..what can one expect from such a storyline?) and i was so delighted with it that i carried the magazine with me everywhere i mean..everywhere..to school, to the playground (well tahts a lie because i never went to a playground until i was about 16..so..but i prefer the imagination that i would have took it there as well), into the museum..i even ate and slept with it..i was lirary married to that magazine....until the day the pink-blue-orange letter with star-stickers arrived ( no joke, i still have it) from a reader of that magazine..her name is..uhm..doesent matter...sher wrote to me that my story was total crap and boring an dthat there are not such things as unpleasant unicorns and she knows everything bette rthen me becaus eshe was already a year older...of course i was crushed on the floor..under my magazine...but i learned that not everybody likes what i do..and so it kept on going..when you put yourself outhere you become a public person..you get judged and you get cricics too...you get also mail...i get tons of emails every month...nice emails from people who like me to know that the ylove my work..that it changed their thinking or even their (sex)lives like that couple who tried for years to have female ejaculation but failed until they tried it the way i discribed it in my sex-education-essay about gushing...i also get a lot mean mail..mostly anonymous...people who think i should burn in hell for the dirty dirty stuff i write...i cna deal with that..its differnet...they judge me but dont know me...i couldnt care less...
but yesterday..i came home from an apointment with a fellow writer who i met a while ago...arround half past midnight...an di wanted to check my blog befor ei go to bed..and there was this anonymous coment...the coment was about me and one of my regular visitors/comenteers/friends here...it was a bit strangly and i didnt really understood what the person wanted to tell me but it had something..i dunno..there were all kinds of warnings in it..which had a rather threatening effect on me...and it was so out here in my blog home...and it felt totally differnet from all the emails i get from readers..because this blog is..me...this blog is like an extension to my house...its like a room...like..hall..first door:kitchen..next door: bathroom..next door: bedroom: next door:BLOG....you know what i mean? i know here are many lurkers who never write (and i dont have a problem with that) but i feel safe?save? here...all people who come here..jo, ms moon, janine, craig, donna, petit fleur, may, and many many many other people feel like friends to me...talking here feels like we are in a safe/save place where we can interact...comming home to this coment felt like coming home an dfinding that someone was in my house while i was away...nothing is stolen or broken..but clearly someone ate from my plate..slept in my bed...left his/hers handprint on my door....its like in that movie with calls coming in: loook after the children..looook afte rthe children..then you call the police an dthe officer says:oh..mister santiago!! the call came from your own house!!!
that might sounds a bit exagerated but it feels like this somehow..like a drop of blood on my sheets (hm okay..well i only have black and dark pruple bed sheets so i might wouldnt notice such a drop)...or a lipstick mark along my martini glass...
it just dont feels comfortable..and thats why i reaped it here what i said in ym coments: dear anonymus..this is not the place for cryptic coments...i cnat ask you what you menat to say and that feels really uncool..so please..write me an email...tell me what you think...i didnt deleted your coment becaus ei dont care or anything but becaus ethis coment was about rathe rprivate things..i dont wnat it to sit here like a big ugly toad and everyone sees and thinks about it...so..i m sure you have my email ..feel free to drop me a line whenever you feel like...
and for you my lovely visitors-friends-readers-comenteers..tell me ...how do you feel about strangers in your house....
18 comments:
I'm so sorry that this has happened to you. It really does feel creepy, like a violation, doesn't it, when someone posts something like that on your blog. You don't want someone coming in and bringing bad karma to your home, your sacred space. Everyone has the right to feel safe in their own home.
(...says the one who recently had to lock all the doors at her place....)
I am so lucky in that my blog room always seems safe. I guess it is like real life- one never knows who is lurking about.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with it.
I'm way more upset about the unicorn bitch-girl than I am about the commenter.
I just thought as well: Who lets their daughter send something like that, too? GAH
I know just what you mean about the blog feeling like home, how strange and weird. You explained it just right. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Oh the unicorn story and the mean sticker girl killed me. I am crushed for little Danielle. Like Jo said, what a bitch!
I'm sorry your safe place was breached. I feel the same way about my blog. Just know that you are still safe with us.
I do think it's funny that someone chose a public forum to spread ugliness, but chose to do so anonymously. There's a lot of fear in that.
I'm sorry you have a some kind of cyber stalker or whatever the label. Unwanted and unwelcome attention feels bad for many reasons.
I had a stalker in actual world for many years starting when i was only a child (long story) but it's the reason I don't post photos of the family much or have any personal profile online that is true.
I'm sorry you are having to deal with it. I hope they just get bored and move on... And I agree with Jo, the Unicorn bitch needs a serious attitude adjustment! I don't suppose you'll ever post that story?? I'm very curious now! Or would you consider to email it? I loved the title.
xo
Oh yes!! Post the story! Scan it now!
Oh, wait, Petit Fleur.. German... sigh.
ah marina..that sounds horrible too..the locked door part...i wrote you an email a while ago...did you recived it?
ms moon..ha..i m lucky that your blog space is save as well because..your place is such a temple...:-)
ha jo-.she is evil no?
One of the reasons I deleted my Facebook account (I was on there for almost two years) was that a number of people would leave negative comments on my page, and that's not why I had a Facebook! I wanted it to be my happy place--so I understand where you are coming from. I think the Internet brings out the worst in some people. They think it gives them some license to post really ugly things everywhere. I say be as tough as you need to be! And if this person continues commenting ugly things, just delete them without even looking at them, and pretty soon the person will leave you alone!
bethany..thank you for your warm words:-)
that evil sticker girl...jo justmessaged me that i should facebook-search her and smash my literary awards in her face..lol
may..as always you are the voice of wisdom..:-) i m happy to be safe with you:-)
ah i had my share of stalkers..real life ones as well as email ones...its never easy but i guess its much more scary for a woman ..especially for a mom..because as a mother when someone is following or threatening you you think of your family first long before you think of yourself
yes jo^^
so..learn german you guys:-)
i promiss i will learn neglish meanhwile:-)
Ahem, just for the record, I didn't say smash...
surrounded by a pacifist glow*
I don't know how I feel about it. Haven't had it happen. I like to think it wouldn't bother me, but then it very well might. I suppose you can't know until it happens.
I'm sorry you hated it.
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