play me while reading
just a couple more days to go until the new issue of "das feigenblatt" hits the stores...this issue includes my essay "subkutan"...which is all about how i found the love of my life..and lost it again...its not fictional...its real...its also about how i handled the situation afterwards..so..i m a bit scared..i m happy this will be published because i hope it will be like some kind of exorcism...that it will help me to let go..but on the other hand..i m afraid to show the world my naked soul...i m afraid to be judged for what i have done...maybe that fear was encouraged too by this conversation i had with my very best friend:
me: duh..i m really a bit worried about the release of subkutan..
me: because...its ...i m afraid of getting judged...
dirk: why? i m sure its a beautiful essay and that you put your heart blood in it...why should people judge you for your relationship?
me: well..not exactly for the relationship but for what i ve done...
dirk: what do you mean?
me: well..the things i did after x and me broke up...
dirk: you wrote about that too? are you nuts???????
so you see..i might have reasons to be worried...
i also think a lot about my former lover x...about how we were..about how it all went off hands..the many things we planed..things which will never happen...things i wanted to say ..long before things went bad..but didnt say because of stupid reasons...
did you ever told someone you love her or him?
did you ever said: i need you.
did you ever said: you have changed me and my life
did you ever say: you made me a better person
did you ever said: i wanna spend my life with you
if you have the chance to feel these words..if you have the chance to say them..then do it..dont hesitate..dont be afraid....say it......dont think about it....change your life
hm..even though i m still worried about the readers reaktions..i already like the cover of the new feigenblatt-issue